The Difference between Sensuality and Sexuality

By Lynne Goodman - Sexuality is goal-oriented. You have a place you want to get to. Let's say someone in Barstow is making you and a friend lunch. If you're sexually, or goal-oriented, all you really care about is getting to Barstow for lunch. Your trip could look like anything. You might speed to get there faster, and end up getting a ticket. You might fight with your friend along the way. You might not waste time cleaning your car for the trip, and have to look out a dirty windshield. Maybe you skipped breakfast, so you're really starving an hour before you get there. You might get to Barstow and really enjoy that lunch, or maybe you're so frazzled and cranky that you don't have such a good time. Or -- maybe your friend gets an urgent call to return home. You cancel lunch and turn around, and your day is a total bust.

Sensuality, on the other hand, is about the trip. It's about enjoying every moment, instead of waiting for that one special moment. So if you're going to Barstow for lunch, you clean your car, pack drinks and snacks, and really show your friend a good time. You play great music and laugh and chat the whole way. You stop by a river so you can wade barefoot and feel the breeze. And then your friend gets that urgent phone call to return home. Yes, you wish you'd made it to lunch. But your whole day has been fun, and you look forward to doing it again sometime.

In terms of sex, sexuality would mean having a goal, for instance, going over the edge or ejaculating or getting pregnant. How much fun you have getting there doesn't matter so much. And even if you do get there, you've only had fun for a small portion of the time you just spent. Sensuality would mean enjoying every stroke. Even if you only had a few minutes, you could still have a good time.